Friday, July 14, 2006

The Wheeling Diaries

There Were some people down there everyday He said he’d wondered or something some people coming into my parents place in and out of there… There were strands of barbedwire And We all Sat near the pieces of a junglegymn Some of us here have never played with fire but we know the best place to do so .. is Inside of someone else’s head and we’re sure we can make it so it hurts everyday….. There’s always some one Here so eager to address discipline Someone who’s Going to Tell us that they’re going to make it hurt Even if we don’t want it to What do you want to do about that person… I See Eli Hubbard standing there with his face all aglow The True Anger Will he recover They all Wondered Some other men come around the back and pull us down too But we’re still not even sure to do with those men either We’re not sure who they are and if they’re against us or for us … and everything else too…. You made all of that The Way that you wanted it Said Eli Hubbard now we’re going to do it my Way.. What is your way .. He said… what is the way that you want everything to be … he always said you’re trying to get me to pay for everything and then Eli Hubbard can never afford it …. Once again there were swings coming and going everywhere that was the last time though That She Felt As if Eli Hubbard were a nice person “Yes!” they all agreed that he Was a piece of shit afterwards Other Than Angela Derosa She Seemed to think that he was a great person and was sure to always asked you me about him.. She Must have thought Andy Reed Was A Genius afterall his sperm did impregnate Her And she thought that they were all genius Go and Figure I know that she did She would have had to have…. Some Children now coming down the hill and Eli Hubbard Swinging a Stick Trying to make a big deal out of everything Trying to cause more of a ruckus more commotion and his own Godforsaken mother that he must have once loved and everyone else that he apparently Must have put down. I know Angela Derosa and what She Liked She Must have been Born in Flames I always figured Came out of her mom’s cunt cussing like Hellfire She obviously Mistook every Person Who I believe was an asshole and Childabuser and down Right Horrible Hunmanbeing to be a Genius she seemed Like proclaiming how much they were geniuses I remembered her telling me about it a Lot Oh What a great Person Don Hubbard is What a great person Eli Hubbard is as Well as Well as maze eagen and the Real fact that she knew them all to be brilliant Cutting edge thinkers People Quick To Make ends meet Bye Ripping some one Else Off….. We’re All Born In Hell now We All Burn in That Fire Don’t We, Eli can you tell us if we all burn in fire I hear we burnt in the worst fire imaginable I guess Eli Sold Some people out and I guess he got his ass beat and I guess He thought about it a lot while he was Dangling There, and I am Sure Angela Wondered What Became of Him and I am sure she couldn’t have been wrong how could she have been wrong? How could she have thought someone was an a genius and them turn out to be an asshole?… Worse Than that what if they ended up Dead Because They’d killed themselves After they were facing Life Imprisonment For Murder! No, No I tell you Angela Derosa Could Not Have been wrong oh oh I know she never could have been wrong Something About Being The person that she was She Was Automatically In the Right She luckily fell along the same lines with the company she choose Which was andy Reed Eli Hubard and Maze Eagen They all Fell in the Right didn’t they You know that none of them could ever be wrong They Can do know Wrong You should have known that bye now. I guess you’d let them all burn because you know that it’s the right decision to Let Them All Burn and to not make any kind of sacrifice and not do anything that you think is Not Right… Angela Derosa Obviously made those decisions and consistently re-enforeced That Point… She Was Right She thought She will never find out How Wrong She was…. I heard the rain Beating down then.. As Some more people got done In I heard a Castle Slamming down and I heard someone Closing a door in my face and I am not sure How I will work some of these bits of pain out and no One can figure Oh You Can Figure Mr Director The one who built the pain back up.. Oh Wasn’t that Andy Reed.. I think that must have Been some one Else .. it must have been Mary Elias My Grandmother Who Built another kind of Pain a Wall to it a Sanctuary For the Mutilation of my Genitalia and the Castration of any Sense of Pride I Could have had as well….. My Mother Was fucking Crazy Eli Hubbard used to say As he referred to Maze Eagen … Yes we know Eli She’s crazy what do you think we should do about Randy Eagen What about the Kids?… Hey Eli I wondered if the kids were doing alright…
Shit never call me that name again I thought I never want to hear a word come from anyone where I am referred to as that…. As you built the most fulfilling sense of pain and some form of chastity as well and nothing gets much bigger does it He Wondered it was always you that they wanted to see in the end you always Had one bit of it on the trigger your thoughts Were Loaded against him he was ready to Explode now Oh We Got Old Eli Hubbard Pulling that Trigger he’s the one Wishing we Were Dead He’s the one hoping he can does in, We Darted across some other streets in Wheeling, Kids Walked in Halloween Costumes I thought everything was alright to come to see that it wasn’t in my Room where I was about to die where I thought I was happy But I never was then Was I?… since it’s all been taken away from me .. all of my hope and happiness and just everything All of the things that I ever had I guess they were all just taken away and I guess that everyone did me in this way Didn’t they and you’re all accessible and you all only remain in the Heads of Children where you feel eager and you feel like Certain people Write the spines of you off they all plan to Kill me He thought Cause I heard Martin Jauch is up there Putting us all down.. oh wait well that must have been years later, Surely that was a lifetime later and there are some people that have said so many bad things about me now that I can’t keep it straight how am I to keep it straight After they’ve all spent so much time putting me down how am I to Know what is true about myself I remember being Happy for a moment Some Thunder again now I am gone I Remember Saying I fucking hate everyone in Wheeling… I’m not sure how to do them in … What are they going to do to me now .. how will they plan to get even with me .. what is their Plan what’s the pain that they think they can cause me I bet it’s pretty mean and I bet it’s pretty hurtful they seem to like to cause pain I hear they are all going to do me in. There’s fashion near the fingers now they’ve created a new kind of pain and the longing for that as well it’s been all made to be good but it was born up there so bad angela derosa and eli hubbard and they all have the dark face on the end of the street where the sidewalk stops up there at somepoint and then I stop somewhere off bye the edge of it all I stop to see who’s coming for me today is anyone coming for me today I wondered if anyone was coming for me and I wondered if there was a place where I can commonly endure such things such pain and some wisdom and there would always be a little bit of compromise and I would always have been the one who they could hold down who they could squeeze the life out of if they had too… if they had to squeeze the life out of me then they simply Would my Grandmother and Angela Derosa both if I had to squeeze the life out of them then both of you were able to Think for themselves and both of you Were able to make each decision Into a bad one Except for all these bad decisions in here The whole world in a zone now The whole World in some kind of Zone what about that world does it have the reason to live does that world seem to have the other things that the other world has You mean like the will to go On and the desire to be alone that is a strong desire I am not sure how many people feel it and I am not sure how many people have it as well and I know not to believe a word that eli hubbard said and I know now that I cant believe him and that I saw the rage inside of him that I saw such rage and I feel that you can only pin me in on this rage and I am not so sure it will be good for your stay here and stand in the way of something then I know that you will be interrupted and I know that you won’t like it you don’t seem to like when you’re interrupted and I wondered what was happening now and I wondered if I knew how it felt if there would be some places where I examine some options and I have everything all come out in one way. Angela was hooking up with Eli and they were going to make that big money deal the one you’d heard about oh oh papa wheeling how much longer will you let me go .. he said and he wondered … how long til the chanting til the game of refusals and the reputed orchestra pit where I was .. where you were .. wow wow hold it we were all in Wheeling and I can’t believe you got bit and shit Hold on to your best set of hands and I never fought with anyone in this way before… he said .. never with Amber Reed.. never with anyone else .. I never fought in that way before the way that you make me angry is a really unique way and I am sorry about all of your frustration and it’s so easy to make Dana Killmeyer angry and she’s so hard to get along with even walking down the street with her if the wrong thing is said to her …. She’ll turn around and start walking the other way.. she’ll only do things if she has to She’ll only do the essentials yet complain that she’s not doing more yet she isn’t even able to deal with the essentials.. and she’s made some major contact with a lot of people and a lot of things and you got to tell me there’s no point to deal with this anymore there must be no point to deal with this anymore … there’s no point to deal with this .. you try to make things different you try to make things blow away All You want to be is happy now Right all you want to be is happy if you’re happy here or why aren’t you happy here .. I can’t remember how long it’s been since you’ve been happy here.. I haven’t been happy here personally in a long time and I want to find the time t hat I was happy there and grow from that time and see how much of a better person I can become and you should see how they’re looking at me and they’re all coming down the line to divulge who we are .. and all of that information and all of that time you were here where you took practice They Took Practice shooting at you now You’re gone Though Because they sold you out and you should have started bye killing all of them.. you killed all of them and you didn’t want there to be any notice of them killing all of you and you didn’t there to be any notice of all of that… all of that killing and all of everything else and you pretty much only use this to hurt people don’t you what else do you Use it for and I don’t want to be anywhere else now under nothing not under any kind of fire. The house is being attacked it’s under fire and we’re under siege bye this community and we are back against the room where we heard them all fire single shots and the whole community has been outraged bye what we’d done and we all made a lot of enemies now didn’t we at least me amber reed angela derosa dana Killmeyer and andy reed…. We all made a lot of enemies we all found a lot of people who don’t like us who think that we’re miserable and I think that They All make us miserable and we never want you back no one wants you back no one can see how you are… Everyone has cast you out in this community and you’ve been the scourge of several others now how are you going to land back on your feet in this one won’t be easy will it were you going to plan on doing that .. and were you going to plan on winning Jessica back because you really won’t be able to do that either and you really won’t be able to win her back here Not in Pittsburgh not even in Wheeling how are you going to remember her as she kneeled bye the darkness or if she was in the room where you had deceived her the room where you gave so much of yourself only to have so much of yourself given away and everyone reached out in the end and they all tried to love him … they all tried love me at one point for a moment I really felt like people were there to help me and that I Was the person they wanted now at this point I only choose the darkest hatred for everything Here you go again you’ve found me .. Fuck I Just Fucking Hate Everything I Said . I can barely take this bad situation I have made I remember her standing there demanding I do something telling me everything that I had done wrong and I remember the other girl standing there too Saying it was alright that I hadn’t done anything wrong and that I was going to sleep through things one at my feet down near my bed and the other up against me but I never met to hurt people or to be offensive to them or to put them down or to say bad things against them and I was never the person You only saw as a man or a Friend Was … I that person but oh let’s get on back to angela derosa and I was the one person who had to live in exile for her And against her and now I have lived in this city along time almost as long as I lived in wheeling and I am again the person in exile here I am the person no one wants to be around an d that no one likes no believes in me as a person and no one knows what I am doing as person and no takes me too seriously I feel like that is the case of the demands they both placed on me the terror they make me feel tomorrow though and the way the world hates me it always hates me and it allows itself to go crazy and the world is like that machine gun isn’t it and doesn’t it allow me to go crazy and am I not outdone bye all of it I Come into the room screaming Shut the Fuck up you fucking bitch you ruined my fucking day you wasted me time then she runs and screams and locks herself into the closet and here we’ve found ourselves in this domestic hell this true nightmare for a moment I swear I felt alive some where back there I felt alive in a way that I have never felt alvei before…and I wasn’t sure what evil to put in the mix the same mix of pain the one I felt and the one I can’t leave anything fundamental on and the mix of pain I have where they have all mixed me up and it’s not like I am someone who they think I am not I am just sure that they all hate me now and they all want to see me in pain well if that was the case then they got there wish because right here I am really down in it. Our father again the same runners we hold down the same that you break out with as of when he wondered as of when did you acquire these things these harsh images of disease and dislike and things that are coming all the time and people who are running down things He said .. There are all of those people who want to stay in one mindset and never acquire another and they are the people who will always hold something down something or Other and there’s no way to find anyone bye knowing all of that. He said … the only way to find out is to know who they were before all of that. There was just no response now me running through the kitchen into the room where she was and I had dreamt her so many times before –before this there was no way to do all of this and this disguise and this disease also it will all get to me at some point and there’s no way of knowing who the people really are and there’s no way of coming to these people directly .. he said … he once said To Call so they can make arrangements and they can make a retribution as well and you can see that they are hanging on here.. Angela Derosa must have been hanging on She must have driven up there in her car and not have thought about anything else she must have still driven up there in her car and no one must have known who she was … and no one must have known who still was living there and about once in a lifetime they’ve got some things here with my name on them he says and they have my name it’s in the mail they know my name but they won’t do anything about it .. if they won’t do anything about it then what are they supposed to do with my name now …. Yes I heard them calling my name and I heard them calling my name ever since I acquired the Whole bit of pain which has been attributed to me and I only want to know what is going to happen now and I only want to know who’s going to take a hold of me. You can’t have really taken a hold of me like you did the time before that time and who are you and what excuses do you have they are not the excuses which you had before and if you’re ill then.. you must be ill and no one must be caring about that either. Maybe then we failed to address how this made us millions of dollars as people nothing has gone forth now that I thought would have taken me from some other people in the mean time. The whole damn thing down there and the whole bit of my life and the youthfulness of letting go of things and I am here and I am just waking up we just want you not to be in trouble now they said Well if I am in trouble now then I take full responsibility and I heard someone was out there using my name to bring things against me if that’s true then I want to know what the things are that they brought against me they brought a lot against me and they made sure that I was the person who didn’t cause them any pain they wouldn’t believe that I was the one who would cause them pain they just wanted to make sure that I was someone else He only held on now.. There were cars in the yard all out there and I could see people placed about there People running about and no one seems to see anything other than the cars out there and I heard some things came to the house some people came up there too Who were going to do a little bit of damage if you don’t like these people then why did you send them down here to us .. you sent them down here to our place and you saw the trouble we were in and oh yes it is him it is him and there’s just no kind of place no kind of property nothing they can have taken away and this all belongs to some other person and this all belongs to some one who they can rightfully place it on if they can rightfully place it on that person then I guess they are going to give them a problem I have had that dream many times where I am looking out on to a field and I see this frost somewhere start to happen and I see them cycle bye too and I see them wave back I waved at them and they waved back at me they wondered who I was I am sure and I wondered who they were as well and there’s this small dancing girl and she gave them nothing they have nothing either and I guess they think they’ll die up here with you and I guess they think they’ll see you in some kind of pain what kind of pain is that they Which they’ll see you up here in. I heard the shots cry from the hills up above my house in Lansing Oh and I heard Some men up there with rifles I am certain that they were carrying rifles around there’s nothing which says that I cant have an address now is there… is there anything that says.. that.. shit you probably changed our lives he said and I know some people have been.. ordering those other people around. You know that Eli hubbard is one of those people you know that he thinks that he can tell everyone else what to do and there was some trouble in his life which he came into and he was just about to come into this trouble he came into it now and the most trouble he ever came into for anything what was he to do with that trouble and how could he get away from them.. now he wondered he wondered how he could get away from them and make some things better than before and he probably spent a lot of the time in trouble all the time he was in trouble there’s a way everyday isn’t there how are you going to spend all of this time in trouble and how can people live with this trouble how can you let it get to this point if you let people down for too long then what’s going to be happening to them he wondered .. how can you let it all fall on you he said .. everything is going to come down and there won’t be anyone else to imagine it .. for you will there. I know they are all undending and they all come to me as such and I know that they all dwell here and live here as well and I heard the greatest of men all come down from wheeling too.. and I see why the declared bankruptcy and I never heard the things that you told me about he said… I heard the shots in yard and all the boys back in the hole in Wheeling the whole froth and the tongue and the hole in the bridge and I hear that they have a hole in their mouths as well and they get people for that all of the time.. and there are other things as well and there are real problems and I won’t admit it though I won’t take responsibilities for actions I never committed Oh the great days they have come and passed the have gone past me everything has gone past me and I have committed some kind of trouble actions because I was a drastically troubled person who has know sense of being a liar and there are just things which one person is held accounted for what are those things and what is that trouble and we have to find a place where we can live now outside of Wheeling if it’s just that one place that stuffed our asses and then we wondered what else could have stuffed them you only knew it bye the law you helping me out and me getting caught in a jam I guess that’s the way things go in wheeling for no one who wants to see these things and how do things ever go straight how can anyone become something like Eli Hubbard or Andy Reed how can you all become the enemy of the people in Wheeling and someone Dead at some point and I was there and I thought it was all strange now and you can only hold yourself responsible for the moment of action that you had there in Wheeling how did all of this come to be and where did it come to be from. You must have known all that was held in there and he must have lived there at one point I know that he did and we know the police came to find them in Wheeling and they can’t just go on a hunch now can they and I can only see the people who came down here and I can only see the people who blamed on thing why don’t they blame something else why don’t they blame another thing in Wheeling why don’t they blame the person they think is right if they blame that person then who is that they think it will be who do you think will come out of this next and who do you think is that kind of liar and who are you feeling is the person they put forth as the one who commanded all things and how did they find out who you were and all of that time in Wheeling they knew it was you who screwed them and it was only you in the end that they were coming back for how could they have known though how could one thing become something else just the one person who was at hand in Wheeling and no one closing in everyone afraid of something and every person who you thought was special is the person who you’ll make bleed for you and the person who will combat everything completely…. He always said and if you can come down here for one night of your life then they are not in your name now if there are things in your name then we’ll have to make sure that things are in your name here and I am certain to make sure of the things in my name and I will straighten the days out and I am sure no one came down here using my name and if they did what am I going to do with these things saying my name again if all of these people are saying my name again I guess that I have to believe them but who are you going to trust and who is it going to be them or me. I think there was true pain there somewhere in Wheeling he always thought but I don’t know where now .. I just know about other countries and skies and things and Andy Reed lolling away and I heard them all come down the steps now in Wheeling pain seems to be their favorite thing and fashion and they seem to have taken something far from me if so then what kind of pain am I in now What has held me down so long and what has made me a better person no one thinks that I am anything worse than I had been and if they did then how are I to know if it’s all being said about me without me knowing. If you take them out in Wheeling makesure you hang them out to dry and makesure we’re done with them as people we had the lost bit come in of what we thought was hope but now it looks like that has vanished and it looks like that is the last thing that has gone away don’t nobody understand them though Nobody really understand he says that he does understand and you cant understand because you’ll all pay for your crimes in Wheeling the crime of the face you drove hard into the cement and you said that you had to work late and that you had to drive them into the hole in Wheeling the hole with a stick the one with mud as well the whole world in Wheeling where you let the universe erupt and I Have been here before haven’t I what was it that happened in Wheeling We’re only trying to do our best. Eli Hubbard was back there Slinging The gun now as he Shot a Few Holes Through the sidewalk and the Air and he saw one of the trains combust he saw the hole house fall apart and he saw what was going to come out To form the end of where his life was and he knew he was down there walking on a wire and there is some near Blind pain going down.
And I always wanted to make it with her too he Said I always thought she was Beautiful—That Dream Where I’m walking down the street in Wheeling where I am trying to reunite with an old flame and if You’d have kissed me wouldn’t it mean that you’re in Love I was walking down near Wheeling there was never anything I ever liked about Wheeling Before all of that…. There was not much I liked about it There Was nothing good there and no way to make anything Look Good Either and there Are no parts of it which I like or want to see again I can only think of hope and the sign Board now too I used to always say it’s all a fucking fraud and you can never have hope. The only time you had hope was just when you were there he said A couple of Other Bullets Rang out again The People who were against the sound Of the Target Eli Hubbard was the target I heard he was moving in the dark as he got himself off he was ejaculating as he went along as he drug his feet harder he was still pouring more semen out of his penis and he was still happy and he was still the only person who was able to make people die for him. I guess he’s able to make people die for him now and he’s only able to be alone as well. What about now in Wheeling the boys who came out of the woodwork and the friends and limitless imaginations which poured out of things I heard that Eli Hubbard was eating someone out and some bats flew out of the House near bye as he was doing So… They’re all going to stop and ask you if it’s true it must be true because we Live our lives in Pain and we’re ready to go now .. We Live our lives in Pain aren’t our lives the things to be mainly taken from us in the Fury of Everything that held us there in Wheeling I was underneath Fire Didn’t Eli Hubbard Hold me in the Brush the Reeds Ripped into me Again I think as well They will always brush my skin and cut my face again I was fucking them all in Wheeling or more so being fucked bye them and his involvement With this Family They Like to Call it Reed Don’t they Don’t they call it Reed isn’t it rape and aren’t they the ones who made the progression Your Violence only lends itself to being that which I lived for in the longer part of the Summer and the sunlight sometime I just heard that it shone in but I heard that they couldn’t take anymore in Wheeling and that which they did take they knew was just the last part of it he always said That.. Who is this person and what are these things Which you thought you’d give yourself up for … Now a couple of bullets he heard coming through the trees His death swinging against The Light… IT rested There Eli Hubbard Was On fire again Running through the Forest He knew not what to make of his desolation or how to get control of his Anger… Doesn’t everyone get angry sometimes he Wondered what am I to do if I am angry and aren’t I Going to kill myself if I don’t have anything to show for it and I laid down on the ground In Wheeling As Eli Hubbard Ground His cock Into me again The whole world Bent and Mad now the colors and then time too Always of Those which were against me you’ll have to just think of me as a sex object and the way to smile too The whole way to smile what you entirely now as the underneath and in Wheeling I Like to call it the undergrowth and the garments Which covered me they were only to reveal me There nude in Wheeling. Nothing will burn us more than Eli Hubbard at the door with his stun gun and lawnmower and the muscles he has That he’s gonna do the job with he’s gonna have to get things done because he’s just That Kind of guy You always knew that he was and the whole time you choose him over us didn’t you give it all to eli Hubbard and don’t’ make him choose me over you and I feel pain over one thing Now I Know why I Feel this pain maybe I can blame Angela Derosa for Causing it to Happen to me … after all didn’t she get involved with Andy Reed who in Return got involved with Eli Hubbard Which one of them was up in the Treehouse back behind The old house in Wheeling Where I remember my pain like a Shinning Dot Like a Burning ray of hope Andy Reed now can you give me some hope now can you give me some Hope and you’re Probably Stronger than everyone Here You just want it to be this Way…as long as you thought that it was this way Won’t it Be the only day as a man You know me as that man he is left lonely why andy reed why cause me this pain and believe me a lot of people were Frightened of the pain you put me through what are We going to bring forth with the pain you caused me and how are we going to make up for it and you know you only caused me that kind of pain for so long in my Life… Another Shot that Rang out Through the Tree another ray of hope Another Light Which started Fire and another Day as a Man without any intent As the person who belonged to the Roomful of pain aren’t you the one who felt the pangs of that revolution. The First time I saw Eli hubbard was the only time I didn’t know that he’d cause me pain I found out the time after that and the time after that too And then The Ringing in The hills around Wheeling all the gunshots That went off all the people who say They’ll save you well let me tell you I know They never will I know that They never saved me if anything I feel as if they Left me to Die and I feel as if I am alone without them and the Only time there’s a revolution at all is When they’re not with me All the Rest of Wheeling is stagnant how in the Hell Do I get out of there.


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