Monday, June 19, 2006

pieces of a prose Work.. slated to be in the book "Wheeling" a short story collection

Dying—Act One—
Death Seemed To Bring to Mind The Image Of A carnival For Her. She Thinks that She Walks Through A Midway And People are Yelling On Each of The Sides of it. He didn’t Seem To Think of Death Like That—he thought of it As Going Blind And Being Hit—he remembered Being Struck Really Hard A Lot of Times And he Still Had Marks on his Back from When he’d Fallen recently. The Mark on his Left Shoulder Looks Like it Was Left By A Claw, Three Sharp Incisions That Dug into The Surface Of his Skin. No it Was Left By A Knife And it had to Be Drawn Over his Skin For As many Times As There Were Marks. I Wasn’t Tired But I couldn’t Keep My Eyes open When I tried to Look At Things It Seemed Like there Was no Point—I couldn’t Focus Long Enough To Bring Objects Together. I had my hand on My Forehead And I did See a Lot of Forms Separating To Some Extent So I guess that I could Call Them Things. My Friend Told Me To Give Up On People He Said Don’t expect them to Call And to Come through for you Because they’re Not Going to, at this point I believed Him—it seemed to be True As far As I could Tell. She is great! Isn’t She? He asked Me And I told him that I thought that she was A good Friend To Have.

Death Seemed To Bring To Mind The Image Of Bliss To Him He Wanted To Do it Really Badly To Himself And he… Thought it out… and He Wanted To Work up The Guts For it….. But fuck He couldn’t Do it Like that—Not Messy, there has to be another Way To Do it. He Thought that he’d probably Slit His Wrists And Let himself Bleed To death in his Bathtub—what was funny was That The Thing that Saved Him was Thinking about This Bad Novel That Somebody He’d Known had Written and how they’d Not Let Off Until He Read it. He did Read it, really He Did—he Read all of it, Actually, It Was Too Fucking Bad to even read—but he Felt Obligated Because He thought Of Himself Being In The Same Situation—if he wrote something Then He Would Want Somebody To Read Through It Too, So He Did it not because he Liked the Person Who wrote it or to make himself feel good but because He Felt As if He owed it To Himself—to prove to himself That He could Come Through. Shit, I Couldn’t Steer Myself Away From Thoughts Of Death—I really Wanted to Kill myself—and I looked for reasons to Do so. I Selected all of the Situations from my Life And I made it So in My Mind that they all went Wrong—and I thought Of The Pitiful Places I would be in when experiencing Their Outcomes Which I had Imagined Too, All right, This Was it Now all I’ve Got to Do is Work The Courage Up To Do Myself In Now I thought that Hanging Myself Would Be Good Though I did not Have A Strong enough Cord To Hold My Weight And I didn’t Feel Like Going Out To Get one—I still couldn’t Focus Right So I couldn’t Think of Where I would Go To Retrieve One—Then I figured That I Could Go Out to The Garage. My father Kept All Kinds of Things out There—worthless Objects—all I would have to do is Sift Through Them until I came upon something Which Was Suffice—perhaps I could Hang Myself With a piece of Extension Cord? A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Garage—I Fell Down. I hurt Myself Really Badly I Must Have cut My genitals On Some Rocks—I forgot What A Long Walk it Was To The Fucking garage…. I don’t Know—it hadn’t Been Through A Field Before So I didn’t Know why it Was Now—maybe There was A Better Way to Be Killed Then From Bleeding Out of the Genitals—The Criminal On the tape Talks About Killing me Too, He Says He thought The Best Way To Do it was to Smother me With A Pillow But He wasn’t ready For The Way That I fought Back—he says I hurt Him Pretty Bad—when I Threw him—I cut my Own Genitals Before…With A Penknife Actually I mean I Cleaned It first And then I made slits on My balls And I stabbed The Shaft of My Penis Too…. I can’t Believe How Badly I Bled—I tired To Stop it With a Towel But it Didn’t Do me Any Good—I ended Up Dying that Way I wouldn’t Have Figured On it But it Was Quite ingenious I concluded, there Could Have Been no Better Way to go Then Cutting Up My Sexual Reproductive Organs Then I thought that the image of Dying Reminded me of The Party—it was Fucking Stupid! I hated It, I wanted to Leave The Whole Time So I went Back In The Corner By Myself For A while—People—noticed Me though I Was Polite and everything But I Was Irritated By Talking with Them—so went I Upstairs to the bedroom And I Laid On The Bed, Took of my Pants and Looked At The Scars On my testicles To See if They’d gotten any Better, They Hadn’t.

The Grass Was Still Missing in The Area Where The House used to Be—after it had been torn down—there’d been plans to build somethingelse There but The Plans Never Really Panned
Out—Nothing Ever grew Again There Were Just A Lot Of insects Sometimes When the weather Was Hot—they All Festered in That Spot—they Fucked and Then Died Too…. Death made her Think Bugs, Of Her Skin Being Eaten. Are They Gone Yet? He Said In The Top Bedroom Of The House—She lifted Up A side of the Blinds And To See For Him—No She Said They’re Still there. These Men Were Walking around In the yard—They were Pounding on The door At First But Neither he or she wanted to Go Down—to see what they wanted—They’d Walked Around the Perimeter Of The House But they Saw that None of The Doors Were Unlocked—so They Left After a while—but they Were Looking Up At The House And they Probably Saw Her Peering out from behind the Blinds. They Left A note on Door That She Would Find Later. She And He Waited A while And Then They felt that it was Safe to Go outside—It was Late Afternoon And They Decided To Walk To Town Together—talking The Whole Time passed The Time So fast That didn’t Mind The Distance that They Had To Go.
Every Store Was Empty And The Streets Were Too—they Couldn’t Understand Where Everybody Had gone—the doors of The Shops Were unlocked They Found Out when they Went Up to Them. They guessed That If that’d Ever happened that they’d Go in and take What-ever they Wanted—but now that—that Was Really Happening—they Didn’t Feel Like Doing That—they Didn’t Want to Take Anything, they just wanted to find out where Everyone Had Gone. Behind The Bank—There Is A Path Made Out of Stones—And Dirt Is smeared all over them—it’s come off of Shoes—That’s The Path That Everyone had walked Up—To A Field That’s where they’d All Gone—every Last one of Them, A Big Rock Is There In The Field It Must’ve Fallen Out of The Sky—during the day everybody had heard a Loud Crash—and That’s When they Went to The Field—And That Stone Was there, It Hadn’t Been Before—There’s A Painting on it—It Is Just 3 Black Rings, a inner white circle And A smaller Red Circle Painted Inside Of it—When They Came To stone They All Killed Themselves—they Hoped to Make it Clear That They Didn’t Kill Each other—their last wish was for it to be apparent—that Their Wounds Were Self—inflicted—Even Funnier Was That Back In the Town That Was Deserted now, she and He Ended Up going to The Carnival—Pawing Each other on The Midway And Not dying, though—People Were Screaming In The Bedroom—And They said is he really Dead?

He kept begging for it. For his life He—pleaded For Them To Have Mercy On Him—they Stood Over Him—and They Held Bricks Right above his Skull, they were About To Crush it—To Separate The Skin And Leave The Bone Exposed—he asked me what’s Happened To My Arm? I don’t Know. They Have urges Too Even Animals Do—But He Couldn’t Control Them—He Was Tired Of Having to Move The carts In The Parking lot all Day—he Was Fat And His Face Was So Swelled Up—His Eyelids Drooped Incredibly And The Look On his Face never Changed—He Kept seeing another Man Who Was Horrible Too, He Was deformed—And The Expression on His Face Never Changed Either—He Kept Seeing Him Buying Pornographic Materials—always Women in Lingerie—and he Figured that he Cut The Pictures Out But he Couldn’t Imagine The Other Horrible Things—he thought That He masturbated To Pictures Of Little Girls Tied Up—their vaginas Were Dry But The Head Of His Cock Was So Wet—it is Easy To Lust After Women Who Would Never Want to Fuck You In Return—Always Rubbing His Groin With His Hand Down His jeans He only Had 3 fingers on it. At A Video Rental Store He saw A man Whose Face Was Horribly Scarred—Come From The Room Where All of The Pornographic Tapes Are—what horrified Him More Was Very Old Men Who Rented Them—the Thought of Them Masturbating to These—made his Skin Crawl—but What Else could They Do Since their Sex Lives Were Over. He Was Friendly To This one Man who Always Came in and Got Them—he just had to Block-out What He Was Doing with Them…. Congratulations! You Are Now An Addict of Pornographic Material—he Must Have Thought. But he Tasted Mud A Different Time When He Was Thinking about Murder—she Looked Like A Doll—or like a Ghost—somewhere In between Both of those actually…. He kept begging for His Life Even though he had not made much use of It Yet. We’re All ready Die They Must have thought—he couldn’t think of What it must’ve been like to Feel That Way... He Wanted To Go On But to Really Do Nothing—he couldn’t figure out why He Even Wanted To Live Any Longer—just Fester Here; I Was Glad Though when He Killed Himself I hated Him, all right I admit it—but I can’t Believe it—I would not Have Thought that I would have Disliked Him so Much.

As if she Were Doll—Her Face Painted White—black paint around her Eyes And Wrapping eyelashes—Her Very Red Lips, they were Pristine—The Moon Beat Down, it was Full and it Bled Out over The Evening—she came down to kiss his face Near The Stone where Everyone Had Died before—she asked if they’d died in this spot and he Answered Yes—Dogs start Panting And then they want to Fuck—There Was Blood From The Asshole—and he Licked It With His Tongue—He Smeared Excrement On The Stone That Rests In The Field where The mass—suicide Had occurred, he smeared His own shit in The painted Circle—and then He Made Cuts into His Wrists. When she Saw The Blood She Wanted To Throw-up—it was Disgusting—but she Crouched In circle Too, without any clothes But her Face Was Still painted Now it seemed as if she were A Ghost—didn’t it? When Clouds Came Across The Moon—making its Brightness Less Distinguishable; I hated him once before But I Loved Him Now and I acknowledge The Fact that I Need him. He Hates Anyone Who doesn’t Acknowledge The Fact that They Do and he Wants To hurt Himself Even More—it is Never Them that he wants to Hurt.
It is as much your decision as it is mine—she says to him when she holds his face—and the clouds pass on And the Moon Is Bright Once Again. He couldn’t Decide What to Do—now he didn’t really have time to But he Knew that he wanted to be held as he died.
Fin Of Act One

The Stars Disintegrate Tonight, all of our relationships Become More Serious When We’re Called To Attention On Them. I don’t Have A Death Wish he Thinks, He Saw The Priest’s Dog Run away Remembers that he left it out But is This Anyway To Talk to Children. The Boats Are Turned On Their Stomachs And he Sees The Holes That Are Rusted in them. Jessica Ties A Yellow Ribbon Around her Neck—Before She Leaves On her Horse—She rode Past Where Dead Birds Were Nailed Into A Tree and their Blood Was Freshly Running against The Bark—Then The Grass Shifted into Barren Dirt As She Rode On—There Was Nothing Just a Few A Streams Which She Crossed on The Horse—She Didn’t Know what She Was Riding into Or Why She’d Started On This Journey; Coming Back To Me—this is Who This is supposed To Be About—I have Nothing To Say For Myself That’s My Problem—Surely There Must be A Way to Introduce Myself As a character Without Relying on a Method I have Used in The Past. I Am Stuck because I am not sure what that Should Be—Are There Really Any Stories Left For me to tell about myself?
Any Rainy Day You’ve Got to Use Something To Make Yourself Happy Says Jessica, Even Though She Said that she didn’t Know what That Is. The Floor has automobiles Behind Glass Cases And Light So that The Curves Of Their Craftsmanship Are Brought to Attention—It’s A Gallery But there is no—one in It—But She Walks Through—and Notices Kittens In Some of The Corners Tearing Newspapers Up. The Gallery Of Cars Last Awhile Until She Comes To A Room where She’s Able to See Through The Floor And See What is Below Her—She Sees Piles Of Books Stacked Very High And Also Miniature Castles—There Towers Were Cleverly Ready To Penetrate Her if She Would Fall Through The Floor—I don’t Fall Through, I Go Out into The Street Where All of The People are and Then I Blend Into The Crowd—I waited On The Corner To Catch A Bus—and I Paid The Fare When I Got On—and I stood up while I Was Riding on it—I hate Buses, I never ride on Them. He Asked Me if I want to walk Up town And I am Not Really Sure if I Want to—Only If we’re Going to Meet Jessica—We See Her Standing there Near The Next Bust stop We’ve Not got time to Say Anything To her Before She Gets On The Bus—My Foot Has become Deformed—The Skin Is Twisted on The Top of it So it Resembles A Face In A way—he squeezes the skin Together Sometimes To pretend that the face is moving its Lips. They Went to The Same Boring Bar and He Told Him Things About Misery—They Didn’t See Jessica There So he Went Off Looking For her.
We come from
A Very Pure Race
Purer He Thought
Am I better Than some of These People
But I will break Ground that is New
He Rides His Horse Along The Road to
The House Always before His Family
Has Parties, the guests Have To Stop their Cars
So Not To Startle The Horse
The Two Of Played In The Dirt and One of Them Picked Of A
Board That He Thought He’d Smash Toads With, He Ends up smashing Ants—The Nonstop Kitten in The Background Keeps
Clinging Onto The Table Trying to Pull Down a Wire With Some Sticks Fastens to the End of it. Is he The Kind of Child You Can Be Proud of?… He Didn’t Think of That Before—didn’t think about it now actually Either—The Turned Over On A Sharp Turn—it just didn’t Take It Correctly—Broke Through The Guardrail And Rolled Down The Hillside
Banging Against Rocks—All He Thought about Was Escaping And now he Had His chest Sense At That Point it Seemed Like no one Else Had Lived—The glass Near the Window where He’d Been Sitting Had Been Smashed—The Bus Had come to a Stop and Then rested on its Roof—He made his Way Out and saw that his Hands Were Still Bound—He Smashed The chains On Some Hard Rocks—broke Them And Stumbled Off. There Was A wound on his brow And as it Bled It Ran Into His Eyes—and Worse Was The Sweat That Formed On his Brow And How It made its way into The Wound—and stung horrible—he hoped to Come Along a Stream Soon—He ran over Rocks that Became Sharp And More Threatening And splashed In The Puddles Of Muck Around and in between them—We Come From A Very Pure Race—She Thought So how Would She Have Anticipated it If She’d Have Known That She Was Going to encounter him—When She Saw Him first He was Unconscious Near A Stream, his Clothes torn—and The blood on his Face Was Not Becoming a Crust—she was Frightened At First—But Out of Compassion and Curiosity—she Got Down From Her Horse—He She Stood Above Him—and looked At Him Laying There On The ground—They Were both Startled When He opened His Eyes Up—he wondered if maybe he’d Died After All When The Bus Came Off The Road—He Didn’t try To Hurt her, And he Didn’t Seem Threatening At All To Her either—She Knelt Down Next To him—She Had A Rag With Her In some of The Bags That Were Attached to The horse—She Soaked it in The Stream And Wiped Some Of Flakes Of Blood Off Of his face. He told her he’d Been In Accident Some ways Back—and She Asked Him if he wanted Her to Go for help and if anyone else had been hurt—he told her No—and She Understood in Way—That if she did it would be in his worst interest.
So We Went off looking For Her
Because She Never Arrived At The time
That She Told Us that She Was Going to
Arrive—He And I Walked Up The Vertical Streets
And We Saw People that we Used to Know in some
Of The Shops They All Asked Us Where She was
And why she wasn’t With us
But Neither Of Us Knew what to Say.
She crawls Into The Spot Behind The Refrigerator, she is small enough to squeeze herself in there and She Thinks that it is Still the Best Place To have a Private Conversation.. I waited in The Living-room For her, With The People We’d Met When We walked Up The Street Together—I Tried Not To listen too Close To What She Was Saying on The telephone—because it was none of My Business any ways Because of where she’d Positioned Herself It was Hard to Make Any distinct Sound Out as Well—In the Living Room They Kept Offering Me Sweets But I turned them down and I hoped that she’d be done talking Soon So We Could Go—when she was done and we left, we walked out the Door But We Were no Longer in the Area We’d been in when we’d Entered The House—this alarmed Me But I didn’t Say Anything Since She Seemed Not To’ve Noticed—I asked Her What She’d Talked About—but she avoided The Question and She Only Wanted To Talk about The Tree Branches which were Starting to Droop towards The Ground—their Tips Could Almost Brush against The Dirt—Do You Notice That She Asked me—And I said Yes Something About it really Affected Me Too.
Everyone Loves The girl—Can You See That Train Burning Up there? The Battle Was Fought In The Wetlands—Men Rolled By On Little Boats and I saw Bodies Floating—back in his apartment He has a picture Of 2 boys squirting water at each other in their underwear—they’ve got dark skin and The Sun is very Bright The Contrast Is arousing to Him. She’s says I can’t think of anything That involves pedophiles Because I think of them getting me when I was a little girl or them Going after my younger Sister—it never Happened The Battle That Was Fought in The Wetlands Was not Fought for love but so we can survive—The Track which gets me home is on an old downhill that some people will probably be Living I must go even if they must toss things at me—A Traincar Waits At the Bottom to Be Boarded By Anybody Who Comes Down the Hill—there Were Boys Wearing Hats Made From Raccoons But they too occupied At Killing Bugs to want to fuck with me So I Hurried Down the Hill—to board the Traincar—I took A Seat In The Back—there’s A Girl In A Short Skirt A Low Cut Blue Top And She Has Got Long Brown hair She Comes Around To Serve Us Drinks—She Sits In The Seat Directly in front of me and is facing me—At Moments She Doesn’t Really Say To Much—But she Drops her Lip and She Lets The Pupils In her Eyes Disappear One Moment They will be gone and then they’ll reappear In Several Seconds—my hand touched hers when I took the drink from her that she offered me then I knew that I was in a theater Here Was a Situation That I was Always In—in the Balcony Of A Cinema And An Unattractive Woman Wants To Kiss me Or Rub Up Close To Me—I always leave the theater But then I go into another theater and No Matter where I take A Seat That Same Woman is Sitting Next To Me. She Says Can You See that Train Burning Up there I agree But I don’t Know what she’s Referring to I Don’t Honestly See any Trains Burning Up. We Opened I Suitcase over The Pavement, water Poured out of It—And So did A Small Alligator Which became A man As Soon As it Was Exposed on The Pavement For A few Moments—I was a little Nervous I had to Explain to Them That It was My Father—See I said He Likes To Turn Into an alligator And get into Water At Places…. But Sometimes He Refuses to Turn Back and when he fails to Cooperate I have to Put him in Some Kind of Holding Box Full of Water And Then Try to Talk to Him while he’s in there—try to Talk him into Changing Back. It wasn’t a Rosy Sky For Him—I mean My Old Man, or at least he told me He had a Mean Old mother—She Sprayed meat On her Walls And Wear A necklace Made Of Skunk Holes---he became an Alligator in The First Place So he Could Get away From her She Was Adverse To Water And He Loved To Swim So He Couldn’t Think Of Any Better way to avoid Her Capture. Then There was Philip On Old Browning Road—he Keep Rats Enormous Ones In Cages and he Complained Me and he said that my Father Had Stolen And Killed Some of His rats—he said he found them Cut in Half and the slime of Their Innards Was About. I didn’t See My father ‘til a long time after The Alligator Incidents Had Went Their Worse Way—he had not wanted to Talk to Me Or Call Me—I just Some Him Once when I was Getting off Of A Bus and Looked At me And Said Do you See the Trains Burning up In the Sky, Damn it What the Hell Could he Have Meant, I didn’t think That I would ever Find out but I Did. When We were Crossing over The River To Home in The Train Car And I was distracted By the Girl’s Pupils The Car Caught Aflame—Well Something had happened in the engine to Cause the fire—after it was put out we were Just Stalled There On The Track waiting for someone to come and Rescue Us—I watched Her Do that Trick with her eyes for a While Longer—And then I looked Out of One of the Windows and I saw A Shape Moving in The Water Below Us—It must Have Been An Alligator Probably My Father Could He Have had A premonition—at least from his Point of View There was a Train in The Sky On Fire—I made another phone Call This time after I crossed A Bridge and I saw a Woman and a Child Sleeping with A Bunch of Dogs—I called The Police And Told Them Not because I wanted to Have The Woman Arrested or Anything But Because I thought Someone Might attack her and her Child. I was Going to Be Kissed Again by the ugly Woman In the Theater She Says Don’t You Think I am Telling you The Truth—before she Could Kiss Me I saw another Woman Walk down the Aisle Whose Skin Was So Wrinkled That It Seemed As though It Were Transparent to Me—Like I Looked Through her eyes ‘cause she’d been beautiful But This other woman Who Was So ugly Had her Tongue Down My Throat—and her fingers in My Hair—she Said if you’re Going to Have a Fit Then Don’t’ Swallow your Tongue I will do it for you….. This isn’t Cool Or Funny I began Thinking I have to Get out of this theater—So I Walked Out on To the Street But It Was So Bright Everything Like the Blindness You experience When you’ve been sitting in a Cinema For Hours and Now you’ve Got Your First Brush With Daylight—I tried to Keep the Sun From Blinding Me But I got Stopped By the First Man You Know. Jessica Helped Him From the Ground And she Said that she’d Take Him To safety—though he Was At first adverse To Riding on Horseback in Moments He Decided that there was nothing Else that he could Do so he Climbed Up next to her And he Enjoyed Gripping tightly Around her—he Thought She Was So Thin that he Could’ve Broken Her in Half All he would have to Do was Squeeze Harder—but his thoughts were Drifted from that as the two of them Rode Harder towards The Falling Sun—they Wanted To Leave The Forest Before The Entirely Fell and The Path they were on was Swept out from underneath them. I can’t believe that these are all memories Now—These Houses, these People, these Places that I went In My Life Now they’re just things—things, things, Things—I don’t Know what to do with them I must figure out how the Fit into Some Place in My Life—They’re still bright they’re Not Fading But they’re not Blinding Either—One of them is being kissed For the first Time—now I regret that because the back of my head was Pressed into Mud—Cutting of the Apple Was Like The Penetrating and Entrance of an Orifice—When The Dismantled The Clock On The Kitchen Table She Stuck her whole Hand Up My Ass—and I Had To Lick Her Sex In Return—there was This Gunk And Juice that I saw For the First Time—When She kissed me She Held My Hair Tightly In her hands Almost Pulling on it And Forced My Skull into Rock And Then Covered My Entire Face With her Mouth.

Which one of these houses do you live in? She asked me, I didn’t want to say—Nice Little Things Dissolve—a different world will show you new places—invite the other one over to have a meal. The first time I heard her name said she was wearing a Long Dark coat—I saw The Back of her, her Blonde Hair Was dirty—the next time I met her, She wasn’t who I thought that she would be—there were a bunch of Old Women the Camera Was Scanning Across them and they all were being interviewed They Said that they Belonged to The British Legion—they’re ladies of Political Persuasion. I met Her in The Living Room and we Shook hands—she was Surprised When She Met Me—I wasn’t Who She Thought I would be either—maybe we Can Take a Walk Somewhere—she said no one is going to See Us—but I said why Do You Care? She Said They Can’t See Us…. No one Can. It was Like No-one wanted to See US / How long Have We Been Riding He Asked Jessica—A Long Time She Thought But she didn’t Answer—he clutched her Tighter It Would have Really Been Lonely if he Would Have Rode By Himself. He Remembered Back When A Piece Of Skin had to Be Stretched in Four Directions So The Hole in the center of it Opened AS Wide as Possible…. And Then An Oval that Was Connected to Many Different Pipes—layed On a Steel Tray—With Fluid Lapsing Underneath it.. He Felt a Dull ache In His Testicles And He Reached Down To See what it was and he Discovered A Lump there He Panicked At First—then he decided that maybe it was Just a Third One. He Didn’t Need to Worry As Much, but he needed To masturbate As Much as Possible—he Massaged His Penis Until The Come Jolted out, he Caught it in a Little Cup And He Drank From It—slurped it Down Really Fast—You’re Allowed to Attend Too, surprisingly They’re all Dressed in Normal Clothes—and the Stood Very Close to One another—they Chant Indecipherable Words As He Stands Near and Altar Drawing Stars—The Woman He Came And Layed Down to Be the Altar Was Far From chaste—she Was Actually Well-aged—He Had Her Urinate into a Cup—That They’ve All Got to Drink From—little Stars: There were Little Stars on Jessica’s Shoulders Someone had Put theme There Badly With Ink—He Smelled The Sweat That Was Falling Over Her Back As they Rode Even faster Now. We Found old Soldiers Who were Not Griping and Going on—these men Said there Was Nothing at All that They Didn’t Like. Then we Wondered if you Could Tell Us How Many People That You Figured Had Roughly Died—Then It Came Back Again The Skin Was being Pulled Apart With So Much Force That there’s an Immense Pain—Not The Worse He’s felt but the Worst in a Long time—Which Do You Recommend Tell Me How I can Relieve This Pain and I’ll do it He Said—He just Has To Lean Over Something Solid And brace Himself—and the Harder that the Skin is Pulled The More Fluid He’s about to Lose—when he Lays Down his Heart is racing So Fast that he Felt As Though he were Going to Die—He Was Surprised that he Was Scared at That Point. All of those time that he Said that he'd Wished He’d of died—right now At This Moment He Regretted that he’d said that—now he Realized that he’d not meant It—or maybe he did But If he was going to Die Then He wanted it To Be on His Own Terms It was his Life to End—not God’s Will that Should end it… But how Could he Bring God into This—him have all people, when he’d Sworn that he Did not Believe… Maybe He lied about that Too? Assert your present Rank, sergeant Or assistant Sergeant Man of Colors it is An old Saying When you enlist—6 months, but hold the Expression—how fast were They Going now on The Horse—it is Like the Were Riding him into His Grave—but they crossed Over The Last hill and They Were Out of The Woods He Didn’t Clutch Her Back As Tightly He Needed to let Go for a Second to Stretch his Arms—but As Soon as he Let go that was the second Right There When He Fell off—and Impacted Hard On The Ground. Who Is the Boy On the Stage Now He Takes Sticks Between His Teeth He Bits Hard Then another Man Who wears A Gray Coat Stands Right Next to him and after the boy has bit as hard As he Can Down on The sticks the Man takes Them From His Mouth—and Looks And Sees Which Ones Have Got the Best indentations—She didn’t Notice For A Moment That he’d Fallen—that He was No Longer Holding onto Her—she kept riding and Then She stopped Her Horse and She Turned him around And Rode Back, retraced The Steps They’d Just Taken Just Moments ago—sure enough he was Laying There, Choking on his Blood—he Wondered if he was going to die and He Thought that it was Ironic that He’d Survived The Mess Of the Bus turning Over—and Now here he was Dying while he lay on The Ground, haven Just Fallen. There Was Chaos in his Head and he Couldn’t even Tell what Jessica Was Saying To Him as She Was Standing above Him—There Was Just pounding In his Head and He Kept thinking of These Soldiers Who were Standing Around Talking For a minute they Were Young and Then a Second Later they Were old men. What Did they Do for Privacy, what did they do when they all got so tired of Living together—he wondered. Then he thought why did he care, he’d never been a soldier So why was He Wondering About them And Why Did he Care About their Conditions of Living….. but He Knew Wanted to Distract Himself From the Pain he Felt—his whole Back Was Just Like a Blotch to him Now—he’d lost What it had Felt Like before As Soon as he’d Fallen Off—an evening of Life In Independent Retirement Was that What he Thought of The Soldiers At The Points in his Head When he visualized them as being Old but still being With One Another? Hundreds Of days And Hundreds Of Men—he saw Them all die in his Head and He Thought it All through and This Had All only Been a Few Moments—Jessica Was Gasping now She Tried to Lift him Up, to move him out of The Spot—but she was unable too—He Thought about The Matadors—in his Mind He Saw Them Slay Bulls and He Thought Again About His Skin Being Stretched And He Came Down On his Jaw—he Remembered—Between Some Plants—Someone Entered him From Behind, he Was On his Stomach on a Cold Table Top—and There Were Other people there Who Were Cheering as He Was Being Violated—He Saw A Sketch of a Matador On The Wall While he Was In fear and he wondered Why This Bull Fighter Was A Woman, who is right himself or The Crowd—why did they Hurt Him—the Girl’s Lifts Him Up, or she tires to—if she Knows His Name Then Why Doesn’t He Know Hers—not Jessica But Somebody-else—there are Red Curtains, Bright Red… You Can Bank on That—believe that they’ve Always Been Hanging There He Wondered if he Was Still her Friend she Said Yes---they Had Never Made love Like this before—sitting Up She Came Right Down and she Fit Her Vulva Right Around his Cock—the Way that They would Move Would Determine How his Cum Would Flow—and The Same Could Be Said For hers. The horns Locked Close and he Gained Many Pounds that Way—but there weren’t Any Men that he was going to Join in Death—he Would have to Die Alone—Aren’t These Shirts Beautiful He Heard a Voice Say—it seemed Honest and Kind but then he was in an infirmary—and he was Being hurt again—when he looked out through bars he Saw Most Of the Small Boats Helping the Bigger Boats Come into The Harbor—Make No mistake as the central Figure of this Spectacle He Must escape Somehow—but How Does Move Through Everyone—now they’re assorted and They’ve Got Different Tactics—all of their Expectancy Is Overwhelming—If he Planned on Really Getting Out of Here then he would Have needed A Plan—too late for that He’d Not Had One—he Must get away from this Extreme Situation of Discomfort. It Was So Easy To Cum—with another Man—they Jerked Each other Off and Their Cum was All over Their Laps—He Remembered That Now he Wanted to fuck a Female but that Took Sheer Courage And Skill and He Couldn’t Bear the Fact of vaginal Penetration So He Asked if he Could Enter Her From Behind She Declined Him and insisted that she Must Be entered Directly From the Front—But he could not Maintain his Stiffness His Cock Fell Limp—he had to Jerk Himself Off later that night when he Wanted to Cum so badly—They All happen Here—he said and he Sent Letters to managers Of Bull Ranches and he Asked Them Why they Were All Breeding these Creatures Just so they could face their Deaths Soon—Masturbating When their Was a Thunderstorm Was as Essential to Him As A Hotdog At a Ballgame—They owners of the Ranches Sent Him Back stickers With Smiling Faces—that he Snorted Millet off of. He has a Good Hand For it he Thinks, but only For Taking men, he Fumble Everywhere When he Tried to Take on Girls—Now the Bull Enters The Bit And a Red Circle Comes Down around it, three other small Rings come And Lock onto it—He Thinks that he Has been in The dark After he Kissed her and He jumped off of a Boat—He Fell Right in water—I Will escape He Thought But it all depends on the Knowledge that I Gain.

He sat like he was A Child and he Slapped their hands and he shook his head and he Made A Really Stupid Face. I have Seen him So Many Places But he Seems Like a Fucking Jerk—I won’t Fail you He Says I must Come Through—nothing Bothers Me There is Nothing that I cannot Promise To myself—then waking up In Grass—that Grew Over Him—he knew their would have to Be Hills That He would have To Walk Over—I must Hold Onto Myself. Why Do I care Again He Thought as he Wanted to Die And he was ready to Let himself Die…. It’s all in your mind If you think there’s trouble then there Probably Will be—it’s all about what you think—a lot of Dark Spaces Where Maybe there was Nothing but maybe there Was Something waiting there. He was Sure that Streams of Color Where Not Going to Shoot out of Them In Fact He Never saw Any Bright Colors anymore There were None Here they’d All slowly Muted And then they’d Ceased completely—The Stone: He Remembered He had Come From there—it Seemed Like, Back when the whole town was deserted he remembered that Time—when he Walked With her And It didn’t Seem Like it Had been a Long Time….. It hadn‘t been A Long time But the Dirt had already started taking their bodies It Hid Them In The Grass At First—but everything Was Tested For Precautions At First—all of this danger had to Be Taken Care of—but it Grew Over Him as Well and He Started to Not Care—then his hands hurt they Just Ached For days—and he Lay Them Down On A Red Piece Of Wood and waited for Some Kind of feeling to come Back into Them. It would just be a While Before The Feeling Came back into Them—when he Had Them Open And he Could Feel Nothing it was Like He Had no Kind of Power over himself—but nothing Was Frustrating Either When He Couldn’t Have Power Over Anything, he didn’t Need any. There Were Ships and Streams Of Color That They Flowed Through—sails, he saw—Those Boats Moved Incredibly fast he Could See as he Got Closer To Them It Seemed Like The Water Wasn’t Full of Them But it Still Wasn’t Short For them—he Wanted to Jump right into The Colors And When he thought about doing that it Wasn’t Hard. To really Do it Would have Been Something Else—He Worked On small Parts of His Idea By Himself For A while He Thought that He could Have It Done—he Walked Over A Bridge And then there Weren’t Any Boats—it Was night—he Walked over the broken cement And He Saw The Yellow Staircase That He Had To Walk Up to Get Back to Where The Cars Went Bye—but It Was Really Dark and he Couldn’t Figure that out either But someone or other was waiting Down near the Yellow Steps and They Held Onto him as they Talked About Nothing—but he couldn’t Figure it out Still and He Wondered how the Boats had disappeared So Fast And How The Colors Had Left The Water. He remembered saying, I think, that he wouldn’t Wonder any more about The Boats But that Was Just a Lie that he told to the steps—They Kind of Had A Power Over Him Since they Shook and Assumed their own Pauses—you’ll be surprised to hear this, He Screamed out at them To Shout Back They Threw Blades Of Grass—but those fell To His Feet and they Were Just Weeds That Had Been Chewed Up—they were Cud—now—And the boats Lay Deceased in A Shipyard—he had lied when he’d said that it didn’t matter to Him What happened to The Boats He Said that he only Wanted to See her But Now When he Layed Down here Near The Birds He Wondered What She’d think if he was Just Going to Kill himself—he walked Through Everything Part of What Seemed Like it Had Been Alive Once—now there Were Just The Remains Of The Buildings He wanted to Say that everything looked Dead But he heard that You Get Killed in here for saying that.

If The girl before you had been cut-up then you’d resemble her but now everything is in a different Place—all of the way out her on the ridges and he has to wait while he rides into Town. The two of Them Left that Night In Rain but it Wasn’t Very Late Actually He Wondered if she’d ever rimmed anybody before—and it didn’t seem to pleasant to her to see somebody’s asshole staring back—but Her Sex is where he wants to Be—He Says Please Open Your Vagina For Me! They’re Skeletons and Believe me it’s no joke—they come Through The air and I think there is a Cloud Exploding Behind Them And they Don’t care about what I do—they talk So well together I see that they don’t need me I guess that I would just seem like the outsider—he Remembers Going Up to People Before But it didn’t Seem So hard—what if it was all a Dream Completely.. That Would be a Funny Surprise But he is Sure that it is Not As He lays in Puddle Bleeding Well there wasn’t A puddle Before but All the Blood Formed One. If you See Him die Say Hello To Him for me—he says and he turns the boy away and He Sends Him down the Wooden Steps There are only about 3 of Them And they Go off of The Porch The Boy Continues out of the Yard—he says That We Just wanted You to know how much we liked your son—But he Doesn’t Care Though Even Though He is gone—if it Doesn’t Matter to Him Then it Doesn’t Need to mean anything to Anybody Else….. Once you’ve gotten used to being on the Boats You’re Not afraid anymore There is no fear To Have You Think sometimes about Falling into The Water But you Know that it Doesn’t Matter at this minute you’d Just think about It When it Happens—He Continued out of The Yard—and Down the Lane—He Fought A lot Later In A Shack—he Lay on The dirt Floor and Had Rifles under Both arms… he was ready to Clutch The Trigger—He Looked At their Feet From the Crack Under the Door… he could tell when the shadows peered Through and they Obscured The Sunlight—Then he Fired And He Heard some of Them Scream and he heard Bodies Hit The Dirt Really Hard—he wanted to Run Out shooting Firing his guns off that was the only Way that he Get out of their Alive But he figured that Seemed Ridiculous When more of Them Surround The Shack—what Could he Do He May as Well Blow it up or something He Would rather See His Life Ended By Himself Than By Them—We Didn’t Want to Have To Redo anything in The place But when we got there The People He Had been there Before Us they Had been Gone For so awful Long, But they Didn’t Get to Anything.. The First night that they got there He Fell Ill and He Lay On The Couch, his ears Had Blood coming out of them and everything that he heard Seemed to Echo. It’s Like my Shadow that I see and I try to Step On—he stood Barebacked By Red Poles And He Fastened A Jumprope Around them He Used it To raised himself up in Down in a Place that they Called The Trees—he never told her that he liked Her But She Must Knew When she helped Him out Later She Found out Of All of the Creatures here; it is Like they’ve Turned From Animal into man and then they’ve Changed Back Again But Not Quite Some of The Hogs Still Have Human Legs and So the Deer and they Squeal as if they’re in Some Horrible Pain and it echoes In his Head and He wants to Make them Feel Better he Wants To Free them from the Pain they’re Feeling—They Surround The Shack, he doesn’t Fucking Care—at all and he goes Out Shooting He Can’t See Through Some of The Thick Smoke—leaves are blown Around And he Feels Like the Boy Who Stepped down from the Porch again as if he Were The one That Dreamt it all. The Street ends there, where the old yellow Van Was Parked He Remembered Noticing that Some of its Doors Had Been Removed In fact there Was only one Left But Now Since the others were gone and he could see that there was nothing inside there seemed to be no point of Opening up the door that was Because Now It Didn’t Hide Any Surprises. He opened it however and he was in the pit With The Pigs And Deer they Wailed even harder in Pain—So Loud that they numbed His Ears and he Heard nothing He Saw There Like Images That Were Burnt In But were Slipping out somehow too—He Thought I Stop This Pain and Close all of the doors once again—but he Had No Luck he was Stuck there in the Swirl Smoke And The Gun shots He must Have Felt The Bullets Burning in His Skin—He Wanted To Scream And He Was On fire—The Alley However Was There and The Yellow Van And it had all of its doors so he hid inside it and Lock them So No When Could Get in there with him—but he found a Small Latch on The Floor Of the van when he was hiding behind the seats—he Opened Up and The Colors Poured Forth—the Brightest Most Gleaming Colors He’d Ever Seen All of those corners Where he’d Thought Bad things must have awaited were Brightened And now he Saw that There Was Only Vast Space in There On its On It Could Cause No Harm By itself—All of it Disturbed Him And he Wanted to Close Latch because he felt like he didn’t Like the Colors After he had let them all out But they Shattered The Van’s Windows and they Smeared Down the Sides Of It and they Bleed out in to The alley and they even washed down the Hillsides Before The Penetrate The Top’s Of Water—When he Got His hearing Back the First he Said to Himself Was O Come And enter Me—if only he’d have known Before that he Was Going to Speak those Words Aloud.

He Wakes Up and he tries To Put Pieces of His body together again—he holds half of himself in A blanket—Well the Pieces they’re are not fitting—“Marianne. Please Well Get.” None of them fit—he sees half of himself as a skeleton and He Masturbates To Orgasm, ejaculates on A Cutting Board and Sifts Through his semen With Dental Floss Soon Discovering Pieces Of Gold—the plants Can Defend themselves So Well that he takes Them out of the laboratory But it isn’t until He gets to The Cave Where He finds Marianne Somehow—her body had been petrified and She Was Wearing Some kind of Period Costume—holding stones in her Stiff Fingers. He finds himself to be the first great person that he’s ever Met Then How Come He Talks About Things that he Doesn’t Know. HE Ejaculates Again But then on the leaves Of Plants That Nothing Blooms On He sat around his house Not Wearing Any Clothes his Testicles were Like Ice But His Penis Had Warm Blood flowing Through it—though he still Decides to Rub his balls on her Labia After they are warm again—I am Tired of Smiling there is so much pain in my eyes When he invites himself.
After All he decided that he is done smiling and if everybody else is Seeing it Then he Doesn’t Want to. I don‘t believe that empathy Means As Much as experience But either one of them can turn you bad—see what they managed to Do—they made it so you really can’t talk about Your Own Life—maybe you’ve not wanted to—You Are, You Are From Me. Love is so undiscerning He really Finds out that he doesn’t like women at all—excluding the few exceptions He can’t think of anything that he has to Say To Them—there is nothing there; there was nothing to Say to Anyone—least You May Understand That he Sat And he Had nothing To Say—they lead us all to being regular—but he wondered about regularity and about Empathy—but They Didn’t Go Together either—He says that they understand So Much then why don’t they try To Save Him? I can’t remember what I was doing but I think that all of these things just fuck you Up—But I am not going to deal with it like that in fact I hate the common reaction of running away with something instead of dealing with it—Everything is Put Away—but there is still a lot of Hoaxing to Be Done—perhaps the whole Thing in Fact except for the parts that they really can’t Explain—you have to Run Down there While they Run down There Too—A Small Space Behind The Piano was where he Hid—after he’d bled as much as could below his Feet Then He Saw that he did not have a rag to wipe it up with—Those People that were really Fucking Stupid It was obvious you Could Tell really Easily—because they were the ones that even Lacked Gut reaction they Really Had Nothing to Say Back—it was Simply First But he Ends Up hating Them all and he Wants to Get Away From Them He never Wants to be there Again—it’s the Worst he says When you’ve got nothing to say To Them all That Was When he Knew he was in for it—I don’t Know but I think that they felt the same thing the same awkwardness maybe he thought it was something in Him—but just as well it May have been in Them—Everything Seems So far No Matter Where He Tries to Stand—all he Can See No Matters What he Looks at, Is A Great Distance—further than he can conceive of in His Head—Maybe What He Would have to Conceive of Would be Hate—he couldn’t Even Observe Anything Either—Then he Blamed Himself Again For Not connecting—he should have known that it was just someplace different It was When he found himself in a Situation Like This One That Was So Hard—They had all been to Him—he Nowhere to Run Even the Spot Under The Piano The Blood Just Flowed there So Thickly That He couldn’t Laugh and he couldn’t Fucking Be Bored Either—Was It years? It might as well have Been, When He Returned There However he was Startled to See That All of the same things as before were Still the ones that Remained Unsaid—I Will Never See Those Eyes as reach out from that Face—it was just Nothing He Knew Problem was All of These Spaces—but Now Time Had Continued All of The While He Still Had His Conception of It—but it didn’t matter Now if he said all of those things—they were so Unsaid That They May as Well have never been Dreamed Up—he dialed a number from Somewhere I thought and It wasn’t that he needed to Talk It was just a reaction that he remembered that Number—he put his fingers Along The Buttons on The Phone—but He Decided To Hang Up before he let it Ring—maybe He Used to wonder Why that space wasn’t there For Anybody Else—How Can it really Be Something that can’t Conceive Of—he Thought of More Roads That he Would Have to Venture Down.

Making things for himself allegedly Without the use of science, in front of his house He Has Got Huge Sails Tied Up In the wind and They’re Fluttering.. In The Wind—He Wants to Pull Them Down But they Get Torn when they scrape Along the side of The House—IT Doesn’t Matter it is unknown to Him now as are all of the animals…. Their Bones Are There—all standing up on A Separate Box Which is Filled With Dirt—believe that he Should Walk around and leave Water By The Boxes—as if He Were Wishing Good Things To The Bones—it is not unknown to him, however—the Level of Pain Which he Will have to Go Through to Get This All Taken Care Of—he has a separate Box that’s all Filled With Glass And Parts of The Bones which have Been separated From The Skeletons as a whole—are reflected in Some of The small Jagged Shards—There Are Wheels on all of the Boxes and He Pulls Them All As he Straps The Reins To his Chest—and Walks Along The Corridor—he’s Sure that he Is Unhappy And He Hates Science Even More Now—He Hates All of the animals Because their Bones are So Heavy and He Had To Pull Them So Far—And All The glass Started Sticking to The bones But After he walked around he Left The Boxes By The Water and He dropped The Reins Directly in The Grass. Allegedly wandering off without caring about anything—he is somewhere else and now he knows that it Matters and He Thinks of it In Relation to How the Life that he’s Living here Affects The Opinions of Other People He Wonders What They Think about Him And his life—But He Doesn’t Care And He Doesn’t Want to Be Compared To Anything Else Anymore—He Fills A Lot of Red Crates Up With Dirt And Sees This In Relation To How He Wonders About The Affects Of The Glass Cutting The Animal bones—Seeing It as Brittle And Then it Becomes dust. You Made A Bad Plan And the matter is still unknown to You And your level Pain—allegedly He is Accused of Leaving His Father But he doesn’t Need To be Compared To him anymore—you need to Give Those Things Back—rings of Color And Ribbons That Come Underneath The Circular Piece of Wood that he Sits on, it doesn’t Move Either Way But he Sits underneath of It—and The Ribbons Create Its illusion as They Move Underneath it—he worries about Plans And Schedules and How is Going to Correlate Things around what he is Doing in His Life—and in relation to What other People are Doing in There’s At First He Thought That He Didn’t Need Very Much of Anything…. And Wandered if He’d made a bad plan—but when The Small Ants Covered The Round Wood—he Quickly Got off of it when he felt them all over his skin—and all he could think about was meeting her—at moments his life is Nothing Without her and at other Points it Does Mean Something To him—He Felt So severely Sad that he couldn’t Figure Out what mattered And he felt like his Life Needed to Be Jotted Out On Paper For Him—he was tired of long Blacker Dark Days—he Got up and The Sun was Already Gone And he Decided there was something that he needed to Do About that. He Went to His Black Closet Door and Took Out a Red Ladder That He dropped vertically down through a gap—where water ran underneath—and right down there is another entrance—the door to the next place where he has got to be—he lodged the ladder quite well but he could still feel the water lapping up on him as he slowly scaled down it—to the next door and his feet were on the cement—he kicked the ladder into the water and he saw it swept away—He entered the Door—There was A Large Brown room with glistening Dark Finish—The Stuffed Corpse of An Eagle Hung down from the ceiling—he went In There and he Could No—one—there Were Two Blue Doors At The Other End of The Room, he opened Them and proceeded Through, steps leading up and another Set of Steps That Was Leading Down—he felt remarkably Calm and He found himself Able To Focus Rather Well—He Felt Like either Set of Steps Would take him to somewhere Of importance—He Went Down A set—and they Lead To That Spot Behind The Piano Where He had hid So many times—there was a Pile of leaves there In Place of The Blood He Put his hands in And Found A Small Red Boot That Must Have Belonged to A Doll, he Placed This in his Pocket—and Walked Out From Behind The Piano He Was Now In a Long Corridor And So Much Writing Appeared On the Walls—he Found A Magnifying Glass That Made Him Look Like A Skeleton When he Put his hands Underneath it—he Did Smile thought to See His Fingers Look Like bones.

He thought of the Time which he longed for when he could shrink his body so small that he was able to fit it underneath the piano—he wouldn’t need To Hid Anymore… If does then he’ll hide inside of The Piano he thinks that would be A Better Place To hide—there are not any rings on the door—luckily so he scurries off into his own mind—Has Got anything for himself?—it was self punishment all of The Things that he denied Himself of. One of The Sets Bones Got out of the box, it became huge and it jotted Right up in The Sky—and He Was Really Taken With it—he Saw it Trying to Tear Kites Down As Children Flew Them—Have You got anything else For me…..?… No the set of bones said back to him and he was alarmed by The amazing Size of its Teeth All of The Kites Were Hit Down So hard By Him He Didn’t Care—get the bones out of The Sky and Become Huge Yourself, grow right up there with them—he could not do that—so instead he used the ladder And Truth of the Matter was that he was more fucked up then he could have let onto—imagine this heat and How Uncomfortable He Felt he Didn’t Know how to get anyone’s Approval He Was Alarmed By Heat—boxed in all Day and the worst Thing is That You can’t Live By Your Own Free Will—here is the place which Boxes You In You Must Realize that you are Never Going to Be Happy Here—the Darker It Gets The More Severely Sad that You Become… It is Like a Good Luck Charm All of This Generosity That You Feel—everybody is only being Kind out of Pity—So What About her—where’s She Gone?… She is Not Here Anymore I wonder how you Feel About Closing that Chapter—and for yourself the Matter Becomes That You’ve Got To Get out of here too even if you don’t like her now—you did before and would she have wanted you to remain there? You must get out of here—you must find other things for yourself—you know what you want—to live freely, well here it can not Be Done—He Climbed Up The Ladder and He A very Smooth Hammer that he Was Going to Crush The Skeleton With He Would Have Get His Footing Right So As Not To Fall off—but he felt water Coming up on his legs and then he Fell In The Doorway Of the Room where The Bird Hangs—he ran through it—and He went through its other doors—this time going up a set of stairs instead of Going Down.

I do not need to know the names to remember all of these Children, he was thinking of the suit that he wore as he left one morning—it was yellow and its cuffs were orange—they more so ask you about yourself so there is nothing to worry about—there is no fucking joy! That is so much the end of all stories about him—a miserable wretch—but another dream where he woke having slept about fifty minutes and Thinking that it had been days that he’d been out for—he had a problem-- ..Guessing incorrectly…. Black Walls that will not be broken gently—and it was like he didn’t fucking care. He Avoided Everything Then he found a blanket on The Surface of the lake—It Was Still Floating and it had not sank. Soft Skin Sunk in—and the body was just in pure pain—the center of his back felt like jelly and it didn’t matter if he was propped up. If you saw What it really Was—then you would have ran—they all 3 stood by the edge of the lake—and they tried to dry the blanket after they had pulled it out but they couldn’t stand taking any time the smallest increment bothered them—it was such a hassle—he waded out in the water and he stood there holding onto a pole—and he realized he hated things being described by people As their Lives—that was meaningless to Him—for it to be described that way—he layed down amongst Shit—and he wanted to kill himself—he couldn’t Decide what he despised more his Weak limpid Body Or the Foul Odor which poured from Every Opening on Him The Streams Of Color Which were Spewed Throughout The Streets—he Tried to Dispose of them Quickly He Wanted To Get Ready For Death but he was still floating he’d not sank—he May have guessed wrong when he thought it was his time to Go.


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